Once Upon A Life

One of my favorite pastimes is playing make believe with my grandchildren. I’ve been building my costume trunk over the last several years, so we could play “dress up” when they come to Shug’s house. Last week, I was Sleeping Beauty. I had been trying to get Judson (my 3- year-old grandson) to kiss me all morning, and he was having nothing of it. Sleeping Beauty seemed like the perfect fairy tale drama to achieve the outcome for my real plot. I laid down, folded my arms over my chest and closed my eyes. Real subtle like, I said, “Judson, I’m Sleeping Beauty and you are Prince Charming. How does Prince Charming wake me up?” He got right in my face, leaned over and yelled in his loudest voice, “Hey, Shug! WAKE UP!”  (I’ve got some work to do with him on his Prince Charming role!)

While playing make believe can be harmless and beneficial for building creativity in children, pretending as adults can be draining, completely unfulfilling and crippling in some cases.  For various reasons, some people who begin pretending at an early age develop a pattern of faking their way through life. We try to become someone others will like in order to gain their approval. Even though we know deep down people can usually spot a fake a mile away, we keep trying to sell our fairy tales.

Why are we so unaware of our own hypocrisy, but we can spot it in others so easily?  Perhaps we buy the lie that we are better at acting than we really are.  Or, maybe it’s easier to put up a front that we have it all together.  We would rather hide our true identity than deal with the painful reality of our brokenness.

Pretentiousness is rooted in our desire to conceal our imperfections and flaws. We want the world to view us as perfect, flawless and deserving of another’s praise. And, social media is making us more pretentious by the hour!

Pretentious [pri-ten-shuhs] adjective

1. characterized by assumption of dignity or importance, especially when exaggerated or undeserved: a pretentious, self-important waiter.
2. making an exaggerated outward show; ostentatious.
3. full of pretense or pretension; having no factual basis; false.

Pretending has two approaches: Proactive and Reactive.

We might be actively seeking ways to create an image. We do this when we feel pressure to perform or fit in. This might be revealed in the amount of time we spend selecting the “right” clothes and the excessive amount of money we spent buying them, even when we can’t afford them.  I’m not talking about a creative interest in fashion, but more the obsession and the motive behind it all.  Then there’s the name dropping as we seek to identify with a certain crowd. And haven’t we all, at one time or another, faked our way through a conversation about a topic we knew nothing about? And please don’t tell me I’m the only one who has ever pretended to “get the joke” when I really had no clue!  These examples only reveal the surface of how deep pretending can be.  Some children are raised in an environment to keep up an image at all costs.  A lifestyle of pretending can mess with who we are and our ability to have a solid foundation in Christ.

Pretending can also be reactive. We may fake a response when there’s a conflict because we don’t feel safe in the relationship. Over time, if we feel threatened, we may continue covering up our true feelings and develop unhealthy relationship patterns. It becomes such a way of life, we’re not in touch with our feelings at all. With each disappointment and rejection, we build layer upon layer of covering our emotions.  It may have begun as a child when you learned to laugh at the names others called you and even referred to yourself in the same demeaning terms.  But…deep down you weren’t laughing.  It continued into the teenage years when it mattered “who broke up with who” after the sting of rejection and pretending you weren’t hurt.  As an adult, you pretended you really didn’t want “that job” after all.  Sharing our true feelings makes us vulnerable, and that’s something we just can’t risk. We find ourselves pretending we aren’t broken, hurt, wounded or needy.  We may be in self-promotion or self-protection mode. Either way the emphasis here is SELF.

Being authentic is a challenge even for healthy, Jesus-lovin’ people, because we live in a world that glorifies the opposite of who Christ has called us to be. It can be hard to discover our true self and discern the underlying motives for our actions, but the process is gratifying, and it’s important to seek an authentic life in Christ.

So… how DO we live authentically? 

I’ve been studying the book of James since January. Word by word. Yep….it’s hit me right between the eyes.  It’s the Proverbs of the New Testament.  Wow.  James’ letter is so rich with words of wisdom, especially when you know that this writer can definitely relate to our temptation for pretending. You see, James was the half-brother of Jesus, initially a fake-follower, who advised Jesus on what to do to be known publicly and how to gain popularity (Read John 7:1-5).  After Jesus was crucified, buried and rose from the dead, James became a true believer, (I Cor. 15:7) a pillar of the early church, a leader of the Jerusalem Council, and friend of Peter and Paul.  A martyr for Christ, in AD 62 he was thrown off the southeast pinnacle of the temple in Jerusalem. He survived the fall but was clubbed to death by a mob. He sacrificed everything to show others what “pure religion” looks like.

In the very first chapter of his letter he prompts the reader to ask questions like:

• Do I have real joy? (vs. 2)
• Do I have a consistent, steadfast faith in God? (vs. 34)
• Do I have peace and contentment? (vs. 4)
• Am I wise? (vs 5)
• Do I know how to persevere in good and bad times? (vs. 12)
• Do I have healthy relationships? (vs. 19-20)
• Can I look at myself in the mirror and know that I am living true to myself and who I was created to be? (vs. 22-25)
• Am I an authentic Christian? (1:27)

We learn from James 1:27 the way we begin to have a genuine faith in God is to…

Treat sin right. (….”keep oneself unstained from the world.”) We reveal what’s in our heart by what we do, by the way we live.  We must tell the truth about our sin. Salvation isn’t about our good deeds. If we make salvation about what WE do, then everything WE do will be judged.  It’s about what HE DID on the cross and what we receive inwardly by the Spirit. (Romans 2:12-29 & Galatians 3:11). Christ cuts out our sinful heart and places His mark of approval over us. Jesus blood covers us. Authentic Christians don’t pretend they have no sin. They confess their sin, recognizing Christ as their covering.

Treat people right. (….”visit widows and orphans in their distress.”) When we have a living active faith, we love and do the things God loves and does. As He produces righteousness within us, we begin showing love to and for the people God loves. The only way to change what comes out of us is to allow Him to work on what is within us. His mark internally in us produces an active, living faith that reveals God’s heart for the hurting. He stirs within us a desire to treat one another fairly and impartially. (James 2:1-11) He empowers us to perform acts of mercy and compassion. (James 2:12-26) He teaches us to tame our tongue and use it for good. (James 3)  Authentic Christians faithfully strive to maintain healthy relationships and seek to serve with pure motives. This only happens when we are living in harmony with Jesus first.

C.S. Lewis in his book, Mere Christianity, said the following:

Your real, new self (which is Christ’s and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring two-pence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom, Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

Living an authentic life on this earth begins with a huge “I surrender all” to the One who created us for His glory and His purpose. (James 4). May you know that you are loved by the King of Kings and the Prince of Glory. Celebrate who He created you to be, and embrace His joyfully-ever-after life. For once we know who we really are in Christ and find our security in Him, “we are old enough to start reading fairy tales again” without living one.

xoxoxo

Julie