At the end of the summer of 2016 I joined the ranks of the “retired!” To my great delight, I had spent 20 years on the road serving with Florida Baptist Children’s Homes, Orphan’s Heart and The Porch Light! My primary focus was to engage and inspire individual believers and the Body of Christ to go the extra mile for hurting kids. I loved what I did, the people I served with and the children and families I advocated for daily.
Last fall, I began to sense God leading me down a different road. He was speaking to me through His Word, various circumstances and His gentle nudge each day in my time alone with Him. I didn’t want to leave. It was familiar, and besides, I still had passion. He said, “Be open.” Open to what, Lord? This is all I’ve known for 20 years. My car practically drives itself to the office! There was arguing. I tried to convince God that staying was best for ME. This is MY Linus blanket, Lord! I reminded Him that the ministry was interwoven into the very fiber of MY being! (Hmmm. It appears as though I say “me” and “my” a lot.) He reminded me that who I am is not defined by what I do or where I serve, but in Christ alone. Yada yada yada. Good stuff, but I’ve heard that before at just about every youth and women’s retreat for the last…ugh 20 years!
And then…just the way Jesus does, He took me to scripture. You know, that verse, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” I began to think about the road to Calvary where Jesus carried the cross on His shoulder after he’d been beaten half to death. Never once did He think of himself. He was thinking of me, too.Maybe, just maybe, He is always thinking of His children and what is best for them in every way. That journey cost Him dearly. There was grieving. I cried. A lot. There was denial.Maybe I’ve got this wrong. Lord, what else can I do? Surely you don’t mean leave!
There is no way to make this blog sound super spiritual. I can’t make what this process revealed about me come out sounding deep or like “I have my act together and don’t you wish you did, too?” I have no formula. No nice three step alliteration that will “preach”. God basically just put me through the “retread” process. (You know…that thing they do to tires that have worn tread?) No, I’m not implying that I’m old and my service is worn out.Retreading tires involves the following: inspecting, buffing (getting rid of the old tread) and recapping (a wrapping process which ensures the tire can now perform under high stress in any environment). Basically that’s what happened to me. I’ve been inspected. Obviously I am not enough, BUT my perfect savior is more than enough. I’ve been buffed – my sin has been eliminated through what Jesus did on the cross. I’ve been recapped – I’m completely wrapped up in Christ’s death and resurrection preparing me to live…really live in Christ alone. When I looked at the cross and what Jesus did for me, how could I not follow Him on this next journey?
Retired? Nah…I’m just retread!